When I was younger I believed in the Tooth Fairy. I saved every quarter she gave me. But then one day while rummaging through my mothers closet, I found a little bottle that contained every single one. When I was four I believed in Santa Claus. One Christmas Eve I stayed up the entire night peaking through the crack in my bedroom door where I got a perfect view of the Christmas tree, along with a great shot of my mother scurrying to put the presents underneath. When I was fourteen I believed high school would save me, like maybe there people wouldn’t think I’m so crazy. But then I realized the public school system, along with the majority who attend, was like one big sick joke, and that the thought alone of associating with the people in it was nauseating enough. A few years ago I believed that the whole world deserved my trust. After having to abandon a handful of shitty “friends” along with a few even shittier love interests, I learned otherwise. I don’t know precisely how long ago it was now that I believed you when you first said you loved me, but I’m confident that this isn’t just another thing waiting to disappoint me. You’re one of the better decisions I’ve made, I’m sure of that.
Watching the Our America episode about veterans who have PTSD. Sitting here trying to figure out why I can never find a healthy balance between a happy social life and a happy personal one. And by personal I mean my relationship with myself. I sit here making a mess in attempts to write down new chord progressions, the one thing that makes me happier than anything else, instantly. I’m so lucky to have skills that could one day help pay my bills. But as of lately, I don’t think I have any genuinely unique skills. I’m just capable of these things, just as much as anybody else. I feel so naturally energetic as of lately, so why is it my hands can’t keep up? Why can’t I write something down that I don’t want to throw away five minutes after? I want to throw my entire mtr studio mixer in the trash. But really I don’t. I’m just whiney. I guess this is what the read more click throughs are usually for. Too bad so sad. My current motto.