The way my feelings work really baffles me sometimes. When it comes to myself and the people I dislike, I don’t bother hating them. Hating someone means having feelings toward them - strong ones. If I don’t like you, you mean nothing to me dead or alive kind of thing. But when it comes to my loved ones, Porsche especially, it’s like my usual ways of thinking go out the window. Not because she’s my girlfriend or whatever, but she’s my best friend. Even when we would go without talking for months and months because I was stuck being a doucher, I still loved her as a person. Romance aside, we just get each other. We’re sort of like a freckle to one another - always there, whether we necessarily like it at the time or not.
We were just laying in bed talking the other night and then up came her exes, and I refuse to use the word “partners”, because they’re not worth such a title. How I could sense that regardless of whether or not she was ever “in love” with them, how they had managed to leave such deep scars embedded across her soul. Listening to how she still pondered what could posess a person to do another so dirty. How she was filled with lost puppy syndrome half the time, so much so as to where she convinced herself to look past all the shit. How she smirks at me and says I was always in the back of her mind, but this time I look past the twisted way that that always seems to make me feel so good, and I hear her. How these people could do her so wrong. Trust me, she is no angel, by any terms, but she’s a person. I know I’m a brat, but I love knowing that I take up the room in her brain that was once corrupted by such a disgusting person. How ugly they were inside. We look in confusion at one another, talking about all the shitty shit they would do. Endlessly unfaithful despite how much she’d offer; whatever, do your thing homeboy. It hurts me knowing that such people exist, but more so just that they have existed in Porsche’s life. It pains me looking at my best friend and knowing she’s felt such betrayal and ugliness. But that’s life for ya I suppose. I just hold her close and think how it’s been rough, but overall, it’s been a great year. How this is the first time in both of our lives that we were ever fully committed to someone else’s feelings. I’ll trample over humanity before I ever think to back stab this girl; whether you think so or not, I would, without hesitation. Don’t wonder about her, about us. Whether I was in the picture romantically or not, I would have ill feelings toward half of her past endeavors regardless, because regardless, she will always be my freckle. Hurting her will prompt me to make it my life mission to ensure that you never do so again, and it is. Trust that.