This will always take me back to that night. The first time I made love to you, the first time I have ever made love to anyone. Real, sincere, passionate, innocentlove. I took a deep breath as the tiny orange light from my fan showed your hand tracing my hip bones and finding its way to my inner thigh. Tangled ourselves up in one another until all we could bear to do was collapse. I felt my heart quiver as I looked up at you, eyes closed and trying to catch your breath, you were instantly the most captivating thing I had ever encountered….and at that very moment, I swore on everything I held close that I would never allow myself to lose sight of that again, and that I would certainly never allow myself to lose you.
Not going to lie, this weekend has been fucking wonderful. Went to the beach yesterday, bought my first swisher(:, poked tons of smot, had an awesome time with my pals last night, woke up feeling overwhelmingly productive, getting oodles of shit done then going to Rebar later. OH AND TOTALLY GOING TO UNIVERSAL WITH MONKEY ON TUESDAY….conveniently the same exact day we get our shit tons of presents delivered to us ;P Life is pretty cool when you’re not busy being a hermit.
In recalling all the things you said, I’ve come to an abrupt realization that the self I’ve been recently isn’t really my self at all. I’m not stupid, by any means. In fact, I used to take real pride in the fact that I am far more intelligent than your average high school student, but as of lately I have been such a lazy fuck that after hearing what you had to say on the matter -regardless of how pathetic it is that I had to hear that before coming to this realization- I am genuinely ashamed. I have slacked so fucking hard this year and up until a few days ago, I had hardly even though twice about it. That’s all changing, right now. Regardless of if I had you by my side or not. &It’s about damn time I learned to exceed in school the way I always have, but for myself for once, not to make someone else proud.